it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
