I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
