at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
