She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
