walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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