I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
