idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
