you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
