Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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