She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
