My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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