the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
