I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
