Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
