i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
