I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
