you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
