sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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