i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
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I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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