cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
