I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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