hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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