I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Houston, we have a blender
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
