nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
