i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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