I heard we made out
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize