the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
