Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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