I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
