Porn is love you can see.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
