highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
