hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
