You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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