There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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