ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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