I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
