If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
