Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
