I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And then my night got REAL pukey
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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