vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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