Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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