he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
