my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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