i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
