I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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