No stitches, just platelets and will power
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
