when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
