i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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