I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
