you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize