when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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