Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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