I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
As shirtless as possible
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
