Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
