he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
