Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
