how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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