he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
