remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
