At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize