He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
