Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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