my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
where are my eyebrows?
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