Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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