you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
