Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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