I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
