I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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