Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
