umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
