I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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