So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
