1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
