Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
