A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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