Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
either way he was missing a nipple.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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