Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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